The closer we get to our departure date, the more and more emotional I become. These days, I seem to be going from extremely excited, on-top-of-the-world, "super-mom" productive, to unbelievably stressed out and unmotivated, in a flip of a switch. I feel like a fifteen year old battling love! My emotions have been ALL over the place! With the stress piling up, Drew and I have noticed that we've been more short with each other. We have these concerns about money, and the kids, and the move, that are out of our control, and it's hard when you feel that you're not in control of your own life. Its been hard not to have second thoughts about our decision. I constantly worry about the effect this month will have on our kids. Its disorganized and chaotic in our home, and they're not getting the attention or discipline they needed, because of the overwhelming check list we have before us, that is very time sensitive. The emotions of leaving the only place our kids have ever known as home, and leaving family becomes more real every day, and I feel so fragile. I worry about how people perceive us as parents and the judgments I've heard. I'd like to say those things don't get to me, and my brain tells me it will all be fine and to ignore any negativity, but I really have felt vulnerable lately, and I'm not going to try and hide that from people. The only thing keeping me going at this point, is knowing it will all end, and that it will all end SOON! Have you ever been on a really long trip, and it's finally time to go home? You've spent all day traveling and you're down to that last 30 minute stretch before you're there? You're so exhausted so those last 30 min seem to stretch on forever, and you just want to be in your own bed! That is how this month has felt to me.
I will say, I have a lot to be grateful for, though. We have some incredible friends and neighbors who have lent helping hands and shared words of encouragement. It's not always an easy thing to accept help from others, especially when it involves your dirty laundry (literally), but I've learned through this process, that sometimes you need the help, and thats ok. I've also learned a lot of people really DO want to help, and I feel blessed to have learned that and to have been a recipient of that. I feel like this time in our life, although stressful and difficult, has offered me growth, and lessons to take with me throughout life.